Losing someone close is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. When a friend, colleague, or family member experiences a loss, it can be difficult to know how to support someone who is grieving. You may feel unsure how to approach them, or worried about saying the wrong thing, but what truly matters is your willingness to be there.
This guide explains how to support someone who is grieving with compassion and understanding. It covers emotional support, practical help, and how to recognise when professional grief counselling might be needed. Whether the loss is recent or occurred some time ago, your presence can make a meaningful difference.
Understanding grief
Grief is a natural reaction to losing someone we care about. It’s deeply personal, unpredictable, and rarely follows a straight path. Some people may cry often, others may seem calm or detached. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
When a death occurs, especially one involving repatriation or sudden loss, emotions can feel overwhelming. The grieving person may also face added logistical stress and uncertainty.
It’s important to remember that grief isn’t something you can fix. It’s a process that unfolds over time. Your role isn’t to take away their pain but to offer steady support. Even small gestures, like listening or checking in, remind them they’re not alone.
Understand the grieving process
Grief often moves in waves rather than stages. One day, a bereaved person may seem at peace, and the next, overcome with sadness. Common emotions include anger, guilt, confusion, relief, or even numbness. None of these feelings is wrong; they are all part of adjusting to life after loss.
When supporting a bereaved person, resist the urge to make their pain go away. Instead, acknowledge that their grief is real and valid. You might say, “I can see this is really hard for you. I’m here.”
People who are grieving might:
- Feel numb or in shock
- Struggle to sleep or eat
- Experience guilt, regret, or confusion
- Become easily overwhelmed
Understanding this helps you respond with patience. Avoid encouraging them to “move on” or “stay strong.” Instead, allow them to grieve in their own way and at their own pace.
There’s no timeline for healing. Grief never disappears entirely, but with care and support, it becomes easier to live with.
Listen and validate their feelings
One of the most powerful things you can do is listen. Let them talk about their loved one, their pain, or their memories. Sometimes they may not want to talk at all, and that’s okay too. Simply sitting together in silence can be comforting.
When they do speak, listen without judgment or interruption. Don’t rush to offer unsolicited advice or compare your own experience. Instead, use compassionate statements such as:
- “I’m here for you.”
- “That sounds really difficult.”
- “It’s okay to feel this way.”
- “Take as much time as you need.”
If they prefer silence, that’s okay too. Sitting with someone in their pain can be more powerful than any words.
Know what to say to someone who’s grieving – and what to avoid
Knowing what to say can be one of the hardest parts of supporting someone through loss. Words meant to comfort can sometimes unintentionally cause hurt, so it’s helpful to be mindful.
Helpful things to say:
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I care.”
- “I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
- “Would you like me to help with anything today?”
Things to avoid:
- “They’re in a better place.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
Even well-meaning phrases can feel dismissive. It’s better to speak from the heart with honesty and kindness. If you’re unsure what to say, a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” is always appropriate.
Offer practical help
In the first days and weeks after a death, even small daily tasks can feel overwhelming. Offering practical help can be one of the most meaningful ways to support the bereaved person.
Examples include:
- Cooking a meal or arranging a meal delivery.
- Helping with errands, childcare, or transportation.
- Assisting with paperwork or phone calls.
- Assist with funeral or repatriation arrangements.
- Offering to accompany them to appointments or memorial services.
Be specific when offering help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try “I can drop dinner off on Wednesday, would that help?”. Clear offers help a grieving person to accept support more easily.
If the loss involves international repatriation, there may be extra emotional and logistical challenges, documentation, travel, and communication with authorities. Helping to coordinate details or simply being present can make a world of difference.
Provide ongoing support to the person grieving
Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. In many ways, that’s when it becomes more real. When others return to their routines, the grieving person may feel a deep sense of emptiness or loneliness.
Continue checking in with them weeks and months later. Send a message, make a call. Small gestures of remembrance show you still care.
- Check in regularly, even months later. Send a message, make a call
- Acknowledge significant dates like birthdays, anniversaries or the date of passing.
- Invite them for coffee or a walk, without pressure.
- Understand if they decline; sometimes, being asked is enough.
As time passes, your continued support becomes even more valuable.
Grief over time
Don’t be discouraged if they decline invitations or seem distant. Grief often ebbs and flows, and your steady presence will be noticed and appreciated, even if they don’t always respond.
When to seek professional help for grief
While grief is a normal part of healing, sometimes it can develop into something more serious, like depression. It’s important to recognise the signs that your friend or family member may need extra help.
These might include:
- Persistent sadness or hopelessness that doesn’t improve.
- Withdrawing completely from friends and family.
- Neglecting self-care or daily responsibilities.
- Expressing feelings of worthlessness or wanting to give up.
If you notice these signs, gently encourage them to speak to a counsellor, doctor, or grief specialist.
Professional support is especially helpful if:
- The loss was sudden or traumatic.
- They feel stuck or consumed by guilt.
- The bereaved person struggles to function day-to-day.
- They are affected for an extended period.
- They need someone neutral to talk to about their feelings
Let them know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Grief counselling
Some people benefit from talking with a professional counsellor, especially if their grief feels overwhelming or unending. Grief counselling provides a safe, understanding space to express emotions and learn healthy coping strategies. Counsellors can help manage anxiety, trauma, or guilt, and support people in adjusting to life after loss.
Funeral and repatriation professionals can often recommend local counsellors or bereavement support services.
Grief Counsellor Services
Julia Cattalini from Conclusion of Life Ceremonies understands the complexities of grief and offers a unique, personalised approach to help you navigate the overwhelming emotions of loss.
Many communities also offer free or low-cost programs for individuals and families navigating loss.
Where to get help for grief counselling
Support is always available. If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, the following resources can help:
- Lifeline: Call 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: Call 1300 22 4636
- GriefLine: Call 1300 845 745
- Local support groups, churches, and hospitals often provide bereavement programs.
- Ask your GP for trusted grief support referrals
Showing support to someone who is grieving
Grief can’t be rushed or repaired; it simply needs to be met with compassion. By listening, offering help, and standing by someone through their loss, you provide comfort that words alone cannot.
If you or someone you care about is coping with loss, reach out for help and connection. Professional grief counselling and community support can provide comfort, understanding, and the tools to move forward, one step at a time.
If we can offer any advice or assistance, please don’t hesitate to contact us at Bellrae.
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